I Don't Know What Fattie Is Talking About...

My friend Fat Cat seems to be under the delusion that I am a fat person. I am here to set the record straight, to right a wrong, to bring justice to the de-justified, to shine the Light of Truth on the Pit of Darkness (which apparently is somewhere under her arms). No, my friends, I am a slender, waif-like creature devoid of rolls and waves and flab and cellulite. I am gorgeous.

Never mind that I refuse to post a picture of myself that was taken this decade. Pay no attention to any evidence to the contrary. I am NOT in denial; I am still as size ten. Except that I'm not because I am a man. But that's not the point: When I look in the mirror a healthy, well-hung man stares back at me with pearly white teeth and bulging muscles. It's like a damn sculpture I says.

Now, I have nothing but sympathy for any poor shmo who has these problems with delusions and self-deception. But look, the facts are on my side: a 5'9" man with a 38 inch waist is hot. That's just MUSCLE forming so effectively around my hips and ass. I only get XL shirts because, DUH, my arms are too big and strong to fit in mediums. And in today's fashion world, who wears a belt anyways? I mean really.

The one thing that I did find intersting about Cat's post was when she talked about the Virginia Ham. I must say, I love a good ham. I don't remember why she was cooking a ham while she posted, but it just sounded tasty and I almost ran to the store and bought one. Luckily I had a Snicker's Bar already half eaten on my desk or I would not have been able to give a timely rebuttal.

Heheheh I said "Butt".

Which brings me to my last point: my butt is so cute it hurts. And I mean that almost literally. I have noticed that when I sit for long periods, I have to shift a lot. Apparently, all the muscle and cuteness gets tired and sore when I sit to work on the computer. I will give then that one small point to Fat Cat: age has made it less comfortable to be so damn attractive.

But I have to go as it's time for my second to last snack of the night. Remember all you dieters out there: you can't build muscle like mine without lots and lots of calories!

Good luck,
Pigassus