"Fat" Air and Other Phenomena

Last week I decided, for poo and giggles, to challenge Planet Fat Cat (who wasn't a stellar body at the time) to a contest to see who could lose the most weight. I must admit that I believed the whole thing a lark, a shenanigan, a Slick Willy, a Captain Morgan, a Darby O'Gill and the Little People.

Well, that doesn't make sense in the least, but you are beginning to get the point: How could I lose when I am me? Could you call something a contest when the deck was so stacked in one direction and the winner was obvious ("The Biggest Loser" aside)?

Apparently thanks to the fattening air that blew in with Halloween, you can.

This morning I dutifully stripped naked and mounted my scale, which thankfully sounds much naughtier than it was, and discovered to my chagrin that I had GAINED THREE POUNDS IN ONE WEEK. You can't imagine how upsetting it was to see the little digital read-out climb past 210 and keep going all the way to 213.5.

Without enjoying the prospect of admitting such an unappetising condition, I think I am the loser, so far. Maybe Fat Cat hadn't lost any weight this week, but apparently her walking and portion control had allowed her to stave off the extra pounds that grappled onto my body just from walking past all the Halloween candy in WalMart. Her effort, that I did not match in any way this week, did accomplish something: She did not gain any weight.

Okay, careful readers will note that Fat Cat hoped to LOSE weight and not just maintain her present body size. But I also thought I would lose weight just from sitting on my ass and eating candy and that did not happen so much. I understand the frustration and realize that it seems inconceivable that all that effort would produce "zero", but I also believe in Leprechauns so what does that tell us?

Nothing, it tells us nothing.

Let's face it: I have no clue why, past 30, it becomes almost impossible to lose weight. But I know that apparently it takes a Herculean effort to do so. If I have to lift the entire Earth on my shoulders to gain more muscle and lose some fat, then so be it.

I just hope that Fat Cat won't give into a moment of despair and throw the contest. She's worked too hard to give up now.

Besides, I can't wait to spike the victory cruller in her end zone.

Which again, isn't nearly as naughty as it sounds.

Pigassus